dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
