On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
