i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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