11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
