yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
