college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
