I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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