And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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