i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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