i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
