I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In other news, I just burned my penis
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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