I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
