loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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