Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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