she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
