I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my shit smells like andre
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
