can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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