Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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