I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
