Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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