my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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