The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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