I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
