i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
