Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my phone needs a breathalizer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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