Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
