Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
