I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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