Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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