sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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