just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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