I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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