you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
