Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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