If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
