So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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