the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dear god my vagina.
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