Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
