Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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