Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
