The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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