My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
