I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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