Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
