I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
