i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
