Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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