Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How external is "for external use only"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
