If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
