Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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