so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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