1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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