I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
