Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
