you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
