Already got asked if we're dating
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
