Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
