I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
