BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How external is "for external use only"?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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